A lot of us have been brought up to be self-sufficient and reliable. We pride ourselves on the fact that we don’t need anybody and this is a good thing. Being self-sufficient and independent will certainly reduce your exposure to heartaches and disappointments.
With all the benefits of being self-sufficient and independent comes its drawbacks. These drawbacks come in the form of isolation, stagnancy and suffering in silence.
A lot of people suffer from what I like to call “the inability to ask for help”. These type of people would rather walk 20 miles instead of to ask a friend for a lift. They would rather suffer in silence than to let anyone know they need help.
When someone would rather suffer in silence than to ask for help, especially when the help is readily available, one has to ask why? What would make a person to choose to suffer in silence rather than to ask for help that is readily available?
The answer to this simple yet complex question would surprise you but for better understanding lets look at the reasons and remedies in the subheading below.
Why You Struggle With Asking For Help
There are two main reasons why you struggle with asking others for help: (1) As a child you unconsciously/consciously realised that asking your mum, dad or the adults around you for anything was a complete waste of your time. Not only was it a waste of your time, but you were also made to feel bad for asking for anything.
(2) Situations in your childhood forced you to start acting like an adult for your siblings. You were made to put the needs and wants of your siblings first before yours. This was later internalised subconsciously as “others matters more” or “if others are happy, am happy”.
When you look at the two reasons stated above, you would quickly realise it is not your fault that you have a seriously hard time asking people to help you out, even with the smallest things.
You have been programmed by your environment and upbringing to believe that (1) Asking for help is bad (2) Others matter more than you and (3) If you do ask for help, no one will come because no one really cares.
This is a sad situation and the sad reality is that millions, if not billions of children are currently going through the same programming. People don’t just suffer from low self-esteem for no reason. Low self-esteem is usually a result of bad parenting and a hostile environment.
The fact is that you matter and you’re important to those around you. You matter so much that there isn’t anyone or anything in the whole universe that is exactly like you.
You And Your Needs Matter
You are reading this article because you were meant to read it. You might think that you stumbled upon it by accident or mistake. You can think whatever you like but I know that there are no accidents in this reality we live in.
You are reading this article because the Universe wants you to know that you are highly important to Her plans and works; and since you are that important, it becomes vitally important for you to know of your high significance.
You and your needs matter to everything and everyone around you. I want you to register this statement in your mind and that is “if it’s important to me it’s important to those around me and it is definitely important to the Universe”. Write this statement on a blank sheet of paper and put it somewhere you can see it every day.
So, firstly I want you to forget about your childhood or past experiences that have made you feel like you’re not important. You are important and so are your needs.
Secondly, I want you to consciously accept that it is OK to ask someone for help and thirdly, I want you to know that the Universe wants to help you and She finds it easier to help you through the people you know personally in one capacity or the other.
You must know that we are all connected. We depend on each other. No man or woman can succeed all on his or her own. Any attempt by anyone to succeed without the help of others will be futile because by engaging on such action the person is working against the law of the Universe.
Exercises For Resetting Your Mind About This Issue
Obviously, it will be hard for someone who doesn’t usually ask anyone for help to suddenly start asking for help. This is why doing a daily exercise to reset the mind of such a person is vital. Below are the exercises I encourage you to do in order to address this issue:
(I) Write Daily Affirmations
Write the following affirmations every morning and evening for the next 90 days without fail.
(1) I am important.
(2) My needs are important.
(3) It is OK for me to ask others for help.
(4) People are willing and ready to help me with my issues.
(5) It is perfectly normal for me to ask for help.
(6) My needs are important to everyone I know.
(7) The Universe is willing, ready and able to help me anytime I want it.
(8) It is perfectly OK for me to put my needs first.
(9) Other people are not more important than me.
(10) I am as important as everyone I know.
(II) Mock Help Request
Once every month, ask a friend or work colleague to help you with something. I call it mock help request not because you don’t need that help but because if the person fails, you are mentally ready to accept their inability to help. Simply put, your world would not turn upside down if they don’t help you.
So, from today onward, each month ask one of your friends to help you with something. It could be (1) receive a delivery (2) teach you how to use a particular tool (3) buy something at the grocery store for you (4) accompany you somewhere or e.t.c.
The most important thing is that you asked a friend to help you out with something each month. Be flexible with the time because they will have to accommodate you into there timetable.
(III) Your Next Birthday
Ask a friend or a family member to plan your next birthday. Tell them you would love it if someone plans your next birthday. Obviously, you should be willing to cover the cost but be ready to accept there offer to cover the cost of the birthday.
The most important thing is that you will be the centre of attention through the effort of one or more persons. This will help your subconscious mind to register the fact that you’re indeed important.
Most people are suffering today due to their upbringing. From Nice Guy Syndrome to Low Self-Esteem, all these can all be traced back to bad parenting and environment.
The terrible childhood some people went through have imprinted upon them that they are worthless, unimportant and should be content with others happiness. This type of imprinting has created adults that would rather die than to ask for help. You can reprogram yourself by doing the exercises listed above in this article.
It’s ok to ask for help. No man is an island and a tree cannot make a forest. We are all connected. We depend on each other and each person success is dependant on the cooperation of those around him or her.
If something is important to you, it’s important to those around you and it is certainly important to the universe. So by not asking for help, you are denying others the opportunity to help you.
Look at it this way, other people ask you for help and if those people deemed it ok to ask you for help, what’s stopping you from doing the same when you need it.
You deserve assistance, in the same way, everyone on this planet does. The only issue is that others are getting the help they want and you’re getting none simply because you refuse to ask. Make a firm decision today that you would always ask for help whenever you need it because it normal and it is what humans do.
I hope you’ve found this article useful in one way or the other. If you know anyone who might find it useful, please be kind enough to share it with them using the share buttons at the top of this article.
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Have a wonderful day.